In 2020, I was invited to join an Ayahuasca retreat for entrepreneurs. I signed up thinking that this was a networking opportunity. I scoffed at spiritual concepts, considering myself agnostic, bordering atheist. I went in filled with pride. I would not believe that I could experience anything beyond the recreational psychedelic adventures I’ve had previously.

I could not have been more wrong.

This formative journey would go on to define the rest of my life, heralding a renaissance of the man that I would become. I wrote Remembering My Memories afterwards to share my story of regaining my memories through the discovery of an original trauma my mind had repressed. I am still filled with gratitude at all the winding paths that led me to this awakening: the gift of “being cured of Alzheimer’s”, as I figuratively put it.

Over the next few months, I would repair my relationship with my mother and ex-partners. I transmuted my grief of my father’s passing to immense gratitude. I began to write, speak, facilitate, and coach — I turned my creative powers from material gain to sharing the promise and process of transformation with the world. I moved to Costa Rica and dived deeper into spirituality through these sacred sacraments while simultaneously doubling my real estate company’s revenue at the height of the pandemic. Everything was moving at the speed of perfection.

Then, life became chaotic and challenging. My marriage was failing; my investments crumbling; my friendships ending; and my body breaking. My “clarity” gave way to ignorance. A new pride entered: something I now know as “spiritual ego”. After years of being in service guiding other founders from the position of “teacher”, I was once again humbled by Ayahuasca as a participant. I discovered that my pride was a form of ignorance blocking me from growing further.

I was “spiritually bypassing” by jumping straight to acceptance and love without acknowledging, honoring, and feeling the very valid emotions of anger, fear, guilt, and shame underneath. The Yoga Sutras from 500 BCE says that “ignorance is the source of all suffering”—indeed, I could look in my wake and see the disharmony and destruction from all the ignorance I had embodied in my spiritual journey.

I made new commitments. I dived into psychology, psycho-spirituality, and psychodrama, pursuing new modalities to unravel the mysteries of my mind. I attended many new trainings, selecting them based on asking people that inspired me, “how did you become this way?” I got certified as a psychedelic integration and addiction coach. I created partnerships with leading psychologists and plant sacrament facilitators.

I now know that feeling all of my feelings instead of avoiding or suppressing them is the path to wholeness. I can let go of the grip of my beliefs and open myself vulnerably within my own inner sense of safety. I can manifest my ideal reality through trust, surrender, and inspiration. And I can continue to learn, grow, and humble myself to the variety of stories and souls that come through our door.